Of course I’m fine..

Constant feelings of darkness and emptiness that I can’t seem to fill, only to realise I am depressed. Depressed with the love I lack inside, self-love. Feelings of unworthiness hang on by the shoulders. Regrets, anger and fear, I can’t seem to get out of this hole. It is much clearer now than it was in the beginning. Depressed because I let it all weigh on me and all it does is keep weighing…

Too many what if’s that make no sense worrying about but yet, worry is all I do. Making sure to take care of everything and everyone but me. No sense of inner-peace. Turmoil in every sense, money, fear of failure, not worthy, being judged. All irrational I think but still I sink, each and every day.

Do I need someone to throw me some rope or can I climb out of here by myself? That’s the question I need answers to and I think I am coming to the realisation that I am the only person who can truly get myself out of this. If I pivot my legs between these walls and centre myself, focus on where I should be going, STOP worrying…

Trying to come out to a place of sanity. Sanity that only I will appreciate because only I really understand what I am going through. It’s just excuses not to do stuff right?

index.jpg

Everything comes and goes, holding on to something doesn’t mean it will always be yours, let it go, set it free…

Climb, a step at a time

Step at a time

Step at a time

Soon I’ll be on solid ground again

Happy…

Free…

Love…

Accepting that I am not perfect, we are different, we think and function differently but we can function together. Knowing that it is ok to like jazz over hip hop and still be cool, that we can’t be friends with everybody, it’s ok to like different things and that doesn’t make you less important than the next, agree to disagree but also be ok with who you are and how far you’ve gone. If you want to change it, you can.

It’s not instant but I will make an effort to indulge my happiness, to do things I might want to do and that might mean: not being logical, seeming stupid and not making any sense.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s